Why You’re Suddenly Losing Patience During Divorce. Understanding What’s Underneath ❤️🩹
This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. Always consult with a licensed professional for guidance tailored to your unique situation.
You can make it through a difficult conversation, handle work, take care of your kids, pay the bills, and keep moving through an enormous life change. Then you walk into the kitchen, see a sink full of dishes, and suddenly feel like you cannot handle one more thing.
That disconnect can be confusing, especially during divorce. Why can you manage something objectively difficult, only to feel completely overwhelmed by an ordinary parenting moment or household task?
On Untying The Knot, MOMnation founder Katie Halle Lambert and Miranda Rae, founder of Here Comes the Sunshine, sat down with Sadia Hameed to talk about grief during divorce, emotional awareness, and what may be happening underneath those moments when our reactions feel bigger than the situation in front of us.
The conversation offered a different way to approach those moments: instead of immediately judging or suppressing the reaction, get curious about what else might be there.
Why Small Problems Can Feel So Much Bigger During Divorce
Divorce changes far more than a relationship status. It can affect routines, parenting, finances, expectations for the future, and the life someone imagined they would have.
Sadia describes divorce as a form of what she calls “big G” grief, while smaller losses, disappointments, and difficult everyday experiences can create “little G” grief.
From Sadia’s perspective, those experiences can accumulate. When someone is already moving through a major transition, an everyday stressor may feel considerably heavier.
She used the example of a child coming home after a difficult day at school. The child's needs may be completely normal, but a parent going through divorce may simultaneously be carrying grief about the marriage, changes in the family, and the reality of parenting differently than expected.
That does not make the child's feelings less real or the parent's feelings inappropriate. It means there may be more happening in that moment than what is visible on the surface.
“Big G” and “Little G” Grief Can Both Matter
When people hear the word grief, they may immediately associate it with death. This conversation expands that definition.
Sadia described big G grief as significant experiences that alter how someone sees themselves or their life. Divorce can fall into this category.
Little G grief can be much easier to overlook. It might be disappointment, rejection, a friendship changing, feeling unseen, or another everyday experience that carries an emotional impact.
Miranda shared that understanding this distinction helped her recognize that grief did not have to come only from the largest or most traumatic experiences in her life.
That awareness matters because we do not need to compare our experiences before acknowledging how we feel. Something can deserve attention without needing to qualify as the worst thing that has ever happened to us.
Anger May Be an Invitation to Get Curious
Sadia shared a recent example from her own life.
After an extremely full day, she arrived home late and found a sink full of dishes. She was angry. Instead of immediately deciding she should not feel that way, she allowed herself to notice the anger and question what was underneath it.
What emerged was not really about dishes.
She was tired. She wanted someone else to notice how much she had carried that day. She wanted to feel cared for without having to ask.
Sadia also readily acknowledged that she did not respond perfectly. She washed the dishes and later made a comment to her partner rather than directly asking for the help she wanted.
That became another opportunity for awareness instead of self-punishment.
The goal is not to analyze every emotion until you find a perfect explanation. As Sadia and Miranda discussed, anger might have something different underneath it from one day to another. The more useful question may simply be: What is this feeling bringing my attention to right now?
Grief During Divorce Does Not Have to Be Handed to Your Kids
Parenting while experiencing your own grief creates an especially complicated emotional balancing act.
Sadia described a middle ground between pretending everything is fine and placing adult grief onto a child.
A parent can recognize that a child is having a difficult day while also honestly acknowledging that Mom is feeling tender, too. That creates space for both experiences without asking the child to carry the parent's emotions.
Katie pointed out how different this can be from the version of resilience many women learned growing up.
For some people, resilience meant pushing through, getting everything done, and keeping difficult emotions contained. The conversation challenged the idea that getting through something necessarily requires pretending it does not hurt.
Emotional Awareness Is Not About Getting Every Moment Right
One theme came up repeatedly throughout the conversation: there is no expectation of perfection here.
Sometimes you recognize what is happening while you are in the moment. Sometimes you recognize it afterward.
Miranda talked about acknowledging those changes with her children, including moments when she can look back and say she wishes she had handled something differently.
She also notices progress.
A situation that would have produced one reaction a year ago may produce a different response today. Even if today's response is not perfect, recognizing that change can help reinforce a new way of responding.
That creates room for repair, learning, and different choices the next time.
Grief and Joy Can Exist at the Same Time
Healing does not require waiting until every difficult emotion disappears before you are allowed to enjoy your life again.
Miranda described learning that she can experience grief while also recognizing joy and peace. One does not cancel out the other.
That idea can be particularly meaningful during divorce, when life may contain loss and possibility at the same time.
You can grieve what you thought your life would look like and still laugh with a friend.
You can have a difficult parenting day and experience a beautiful moment with your child.
You can be angry about something that happened and still notice something good happening today.
Making room for grief does not require giving grief ownership of every other part of your life.
Curiosity Can Replace Judgment
Perhaps the simplest takeaway from the conversation is also one of the most practical: get curious.
Instead of immediately deciding you are overreacting, too emotional, failing, or supposed to be “over it” by now, you can notice the emotion and ask what might be underneath it.
You do not necessarily have to fix the answer immediately.
As Sadia explained, sometimes acknowledging what is present and allowing yourself to experience it can be enough for that moment.
Miranda also connected this curiosity to forgiveness, particularly self-forgiveness. Sometimes difficulty forgiving someone else may coexist with unresolved feelings about our own choices, reactions, or past versions of ourselves.
The goal is not to abandon who you were. It is to recognize that you can accept that version of yourself while making different choices today.
🎧 Watch Untying the Knot Conversation 🎧
The complete conversation goes deeper into Sadia's perspective on big G and little G grief, Miranda's experiences with emotional awareness and mourning, parenting while carrying your own grief, self-forgiveness, and how curiosity can change the way we respond to difficult emotions.
💜 Connect With katie Halle Lambert and Miranda Rae💜
Miranda Rae: https://herecomesthesunshine.com/
Katie Halle Lambert: https://www.facebook.com/KatieHalleLambert
Sadia Hameed: https://www.sadiahameed.com/
💜 Join The Divorce Community on Facebook💜
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If this conversation could help another mom support her kids through divorce with more connection, understanding, and emotional safety, share it with her. 💛
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Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. Always consult with a licensed professional for guidance tailored to your unique situation.
